Translating women-speak in a relationship

Translating women-speak in a relationship

Found this guide handy and somewhat humorous…

If she says:
Fine – This is the word women use to end an argument they are right and the only response you can make is to shut up.

Five Minutes – She means five minutes the same you do when you say I’ll be done with this website in five minutes. We’re both the same in this regard so don’t make a big issue of it. Keep a magazine nearby.

Nothing – This the calm before the storm.  This means something, and you should be on your toes.  Arguments usually being with ‘nothing’ and end in ‘fine’.  The best answer to this is, “Really? You seem upset. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” said with actual concern. If she says it’s nothing again, you ignore it if you believe her and work on doing something nice for her later to help improve her mood if you don’t.

Go ahead – This is a dare – not permission!  Either do it without remorse or challenge her by saying “do you really mean that?”

Loud sigh – non-verbal statement often meaning that she thinks you’re an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time arguing with you about ‘nothing’.  There’s really not much you can do about this one. You can say “I wish you would say what’s on your mind instead of making noises I don’t understand”, but your mileage may vary.

That’s okay – One of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man.  ‘That’s ok’ means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.  If you’re at fault for something and know she’s upset, you should probably proactively think of a way to make it up to her. Don’t surprise her with it, let her know what you’re going to do and FOLLOW THROUGH.

Thanks – She is actually thanking you – it’s not a question.  Just say you’re welcome.  UNLESS she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – which is usually pure sarcasm – which means saying ‘you’re welcome’ which will bring out a ‘whatever’.

Whatever – A womens way of saying F-CK YOU as clearly as she can.  It’s rude and annoying, but like the sigh, there’s not much you can do. The more literal translation is “I don’t care about your position at all. Everything you think and feel is invalid”. If you are in a relationship and hear this frequently, you need to do something or you won’t have to worry about the relationship much longer.

Don’t worry about it, I got it – Another dangerous statement meaning she told him something several times, but now she feels she must do it because you didn’t do it (at all, soon enough, the right way, etc).  If someone wants to be indirect about stuff, there’s no reason you should have to put up with it. A useful response would be “I told you I’d do it and I will, but if you want to do it now, go ahead”. Or if you never agreed to do it in the first place, throw the spear back with a simple “enjoy!”

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