35 When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots. 36 And sitting down, they kept watch over him there. 37 Above his head they placed the written charge against him: This is Jesus, the king of the Jews.
38 Two rebels were crucified with him, one on his right and one on his left. 39 Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads 40 and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!” 41 In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. 42 “He saved others,” they said, “but he can’t save himself! He’s the king of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. 43 He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, ‘I am the Son of God.’” 44 In the same way the rebels who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.
45 From noon until three in the afternoon darkness came over all the land. 46 About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).
50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
Matthew 27:35-45
39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”
40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”
42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
46 Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last.
Luke 23:39-45
If there is one thing I have learned – it is that God doesn’t act the way we expect. We struggle and wait for prayers to be answered. Sometimes for years or even decades. Sometimes things get much worse the harder we pray and try. We wander through dark nights with no comfort.
2 Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in deep anguish.
How long, Lord, how long?
4 Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
5 Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
Who praises you from the grave?
6 I am worn out from my groaning.
All night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.
Psalm 6
Many people will simply say they are turned off by organized religion. Some don’t see the value at all and just live as they like. Others like to say they are “spiritual but not religious’. Some like to point out that organized religions have scandals and are full of hypocrites. Wars have been carried out in the name of religions.
Like the mocking thief on the cross, some become angry because God doesn’t act the way we want or expect. Others dismiss God as too cruel. ‘I can’t believe in a God that lets people suffer or die. Why would a supposedly loving God do and allow all these things?’ Others mock and scoff people who follow God as repressed, brainwashed fools.
I cannot claim to have the answer for the mysteries of suffering. What I can say is that, believer or not, we all go through both good and difficult things in our lives. What we can do is share them with God and they can help transform ourselves and the world. In our everyday understanding, it is success that brings change into the world. Instead, God shows His power in that He can take what appears to be abject failure by all standards – and use it to completely change the world. Jesus died this way – abandoned and condemned to a shameful death. We can mock God in our struggles and gain nothing like the scoffing thief. Or we can ask Jesus into (even our own self-caused) tragedies and bring transformation and eternal good from them – if we just ask like the good thief on the cross.
This isn’t just academic. We have in Jesus someone that knows exactly what we’re going through. Before He was even born, His parents experienced an unwed, unplanned pregnancy. As a child, they had to flee for their lives and they lived as political refugees in Egypt. Joseph likely struggled trying to make a living as a refugee in a foreign land. They came from a poor, backward hick region of Israel held in low regard. Their country was conquered and under a brutal military dictatorship. Joseph was very likely a simple blue-collar worker with little education. Jesus public ministry was one of long days, low/no pay, rejection, sleeping wherever He was offered, and had no possessions other than what He carried. He likely slept outside on cold nights, went hungry and thirsty, and was exhausted by hot desert days. He barely escaped being killed in His own home town when He insulted them. His friends misunderstood and even betrayed and abandoned Him. He was rejected by the thought leaders and those in political and religious power. He was falsely accused, arrested, and sentenced to death under an invading military force. He was made a pawn in power games between the Jews and Romans.
Jesus knew what it meant to struggle. Almost every follower of God did. Abraham, Moses, Elisha, David. The world doesn’t understand because we misunderstand what true peace and eternal happiness really is.
The kind of peace and freedom that is the Kingdom of God doesn’t depend on what we are going through, how rich we are, how many people like or follow us on social media, or having the perfect family. It doesn’t depend on the madness or rejection of the world we find ourselves in. It’s an eternal peace in which our hearts rest in eternal love that is God. A peace this world cannot give – because nothing in this world is permanent.
This is just a part of the mystery of suffering.
Like the men crucified with Jesus, we can blame God and miss salvation right beside us. Or, we can humbly admit the truth in our lives, turn and ask Him to be with us as His friend, and find ourselves invited to eternal paradise.
——–
It was about 1 month to the day that I got the surgery results back from the labs. The prognosis came early afternoon via a phone call I almost didn’t take because the number was unfamiliar. It was my surgeon. They biopsies showed clear margins and the lymph nodes were clear – indicating there was no spread. There was no more need for treatment. No chemo. No radiation. He said that he only had 2-3 cases like mine – it was something of a miracle for as long as the tumors had likely been there.
We scheduled a follow up and hung up.
I cried.
I gave thanks to God for answered prayers. I remembered the story of the 10 lepers:
11 Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12 As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy[a] met him. They stood at a distance 13 and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”
14 When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.
15 One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16 He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
17 Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” 19 Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”
Luke 17:11-19
I vowed the first decade of the rosary I prayed each day, I would recall and give thanks for the healing I had just received. I have done so ever since.
This day you have died, live as a new man
Marcus Aurelius
As I did this and continued to give thanks, I journeyed deeper in prayer – prayer that was based on the question, What’s next? How do I take advantage of these gift of a second chance. How was all this supposed to transform me or others?
I got some powerful challenges and some painful admonitions; I am still trying to sort them out. I have made concrete changes in my life and am re-evaluating where I am going for whatever time I have left. The cancer may return any time, but I believe there is still a lot more to this story and I am excited. I’m starting by re-doubling my efforts to walk each day with God and let Him run the show. My life ended that day. Time to live again in Christ.
To all this, cancer was a gift.
It was probably the best gift I have been given in the last 10 years. I realize it likely cut out years and years of laziness, floating through life in frivolous pursuits, and prideful self-indulgence. Now I have the opportunity to change course and again invite Christ into my soul every day. No matter how many more I get.
Every time I pray the rosary – this is just a little of what it means.
