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Month: July 2017

Pornography and intimacy

Pornography and intimacy

The Gottman Institute has become a renowned organization when it comes to analyzing relationships and marriage using the latest science. His studies have been cited and mentioned on such shows as NPR and This American Life.

But Dr. John Gottman has made an about face on his stance on pornography – specifically internet pornography. In a heartfelt open letter to colleagues (some that have suggested pornography is ok or even to be encouraged as he did himself), he states his stance unequivocally:

In summary, we are led to unconditionally conclude that for many reasons, pornography poses a serious threat to couple intimacy and relationship harmony. This moment calls for public discussion, and we want our readers around the world to understand what is at stake.

Pornography destroys relationships, distorts healthy sexual expression, and damages the ability to form healthy intimacy. Even divorce lawyers are seeing the trend:

In an informal meeting survey in 2002, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers questioned 350 divorce attorneys and found that roughly 60 percent reported that internet porn played a significant role in the divorces, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half of such cases.

It’s not just lawyers who are picking up on the trend. In 2005, Dr. Jill Manning, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexual addiction, pornography, or betrayal trauma, brought her research on porn and its connection to divorce before the Senate. According to Manning’s research, 56 percent of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.

John Mathews*, Family Law and Divorce Attorney, has also found porn to be a prevalent problem within his practice. Mathews explains that, in most cases, spouses deny porn use. But during discovery, a process wherein each spouse is given a list of questions to answer under oath, and during the back and forth between spouses as he tries to understand the complaints, he sees clearly the role porn plays in crumbling marriages.

Mathews explains that porn is most often cited amongst complaints of “Constructive Desertion,” meaning the spouse is at fault for emotionally abandoning their partner and withdrawing from sexual intimacy. Mathews says that he has had several cases in which a husband can’t stop engaging with porn, causing him to withdraw from quality time that could be spent with his wife. Most often, Mathews explains, porn use takes its toll by creating false expectations for physical intimacy. “I have had many cases where the husband won’t even touch his wife and several cases in which the spouses have not had sex in three or four years,” Mathews says.

Pornography is an addiction – on in which you have become addicted to the chemicals of sexual stimulation our own bodies generate. If this is destroying you, I’d urge you to take the following actions:

  1. Recognize that intimacy is not just sexual expression. Sexual acts only have meaning to us when they draw us into a relationship with another. Outside of that, they leave us feeling more empty and alone afterward. Something that captures this idea for me is this, “Stop spending all your time fretting about who you want to get into bed with. Spend your energy on who you want to wake up to instead.”
  2. Seek out a professional counselor or professional tools that recognize pornography as an addiction and treat it as such. Even Gottman has changed his tune on this topic. Professional help is important. Like gambling or substance abuse addictions, it’s very hard to impossible to solve it yourself. You need support and assistance.
  3. You will fall. Seek our the grace of confession and resources of a local parish. Be open and honest in your struggles and ask for grace in the sacrament to strengthen and heal you.
  4. Know it is possible. The expression and truth of real intimacy is far, far greater than just a mere physical expression of sexuality. When sex is wrapped in relationship – it is transcendent.
Rebuilt…

Rebuilt…

“The sacraments are celebrated every day in the Catholic church. The sacraments give us the grace we need to put us in right relationship with God – nourishing and strengthening us for our discipleship walk. But for some, the ceremony of the sacramental life of the Church is what they do instead of growing and becoming a disciple.”

Shiny Pokemon and iPhone screen recording

Shiny Pokemon and iPhone screen recording

I was fooling around with Pokemon Go and ended up getting a very rare shiny Magikarp. I also wanted to know how hard it was to record the iPhone screen and the sound. There are lots of different ways from both PC and Mac, but I used my Mac Mini and it was very easy:

  1. Connect your iPhone or iPad to your Mac via the lightning cable.
  2. Open QuickTime player.
  3. Click File then select ‘New Movie Recording’
  4. A recording window will appear (with you in it, most likely). …
  5. Select the Mic of your iPhone if you want to record music/sound effects.
  6. Click the Record button.

So, I recorded the evolution from the rare shiny Magikarp to the rare shiny Gyarados. Results were very good:

YOLO!

YOLO!

YOLO is a real-time object detection system. On a Titan X it processes images at 40-90 FPS, and it has a pretty nifty demo reel too. 🙂

Portland’s bridges when the big one hits

Portland’s bridges when the big one hits

Portland is ill-prepared for the very likely 9.0 magnitude earthquake from the Cascadia subduction zone. In fact, we’re very badly/not at all prepared. It’s predicted all the city’s bridges (save one brand new one) would likely collapse. That on top the fact major regions of the city would be leveled due to being on fill dirt that would liquefy during such a quake.

This, however, is a good animation of what it would look like based on projections and engineering analysis of such earthquakes. Skip along to 1:37 for the animation.

Mixed Reality Room

Mixed Reality Room

THIS is compelling. No bulky headsets/goggles/etc.

Using projection mapping and a mix of tracking systems, creative studio THÉORIZ shows off a slick prototype which projects 3D images that dynamically adapt to movements. Everything you see was captured live, with no post-production.

Presidential authority and how democracy can die

Presidential authority and how democracy can die

During the Obama presidency, there were many that were angered by the number of executive orders he issued to work around the gridlocked of Congress.  One notable one was not enforcing deportation laws. Today, many on the other side of the political spectrum are angry at the executive orders that Trump are issuing. Here in Oregon, there is currently a lawsuit against the Trump administration for pulling funding for ‘sanctuary’ cities.

Executive orders are a strange beast. They can be easily passed by the president (without the approval of Congress) but have the full force of law, based on the authority derived from statute or the Constitution itself. Recent presidents have issued in the 100-300 range, which is nowhere near the 1000’s that were passed by some previous presidents (usually during war/Great Depression).

But they set a bad precedent – not for Republicans vs Democrats – but for citizens. Instead of forcing our politicians to follow the rule of law, we seemingly let them violate the checks and balances in our government to ‘get what we want’. It’s important not to let our politicians break the rule of law. The rule of law protects CITIZENS from POLITICIANS. It makes our politicians do their jobs – which is to make, pass, enforce, and abide by the rules of law. When we give them a free pass to violate the very laws/checks and balances, then we as citizens lose the ability to control our own government. We only hurt ourselves. Just like giving a kid scissors to run around the house just to shut them up, we will end up paying a much worse price later for short-term gains.

I plan on holding my politicians to a higher standard. Do what we hired you to do – the hard work of working out our laws and getting them passed. I for one will sacrifice getting something now vs later in order to preserve the important safety guards to hold our government accountable.