9 For this reason also God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:9)

This video from Fr Bill Casey spawned some reflection time for me.

Jesus knew all too well the foibles of his apostles. Most of them really did not understand Jesus nor his mission. They fought over who would be ranked highest. They misunderstood many of his teachings. They don’t even believe it when he was resurrected.

9 Jesus replied, “Philip, I have been with you all this time, and still you do not know Me?” (John 14:9)

You can’t exactly blame them. Most people expected the messiah to be like King David. A conqueror who would overthrow all of Israel’s enemies with military might. Instead of overthrowing the Romans, nobody expected him to willfully die one of the most humiliating and painful deaths met out by the Romans: crucifixion. Instead of an earthly kingdom – Jesus’ kingdom was going to overthrow evil on the hardest battleground of them all: the human heart.

But what about Judas? The gospel of John says that it was known that Judas, who held the group’s money, used to steal some of it for himself. His character was doubious:

4 But Judas Iscariot, one of His disciples, the one who intended to betray Him, *said, 5 “Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and the proceeds given to poor people?” 6 Now he said this, not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief, and as he kept the money box, he used to steal from what was put into it. (John 12:4)

It could be as Fr Casey says. Jesus may have chosen Judas to be show us that scandals and betrayal will come even from his closest followers. It is true. The Church is made of frail human beings. People are prone to sin, even those in the Church. One does not have to look far to see sexual abuse scandals or the countless other political, financial scandals in the 2000 years of Church history.

Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things must come, but woe to the one through whom they come! (Matthew 18:7)

But there is another side to sin: God’s infinite mercy. Jesus tells us he was not sent to condemn the world, but to find the lost sheep. While we live, there is still time for each of us to change:

12 If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains, and go and search for the one that is lost? 13 And if it turns out that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that have not gone astray. 14 So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven for one of these little ones to perish. (Matthew 18:12)

The Father does not seem to desire for anyone to be lost. Jesus will seek us out no matter how far we run or hide. No matter what bramble or snare we have caught ourselves in. He is abounding in infinite love. He asks us to die to ourselves and so die with him to be born again in new life.

I believe Judas could likely have found forgiveness – if he had sought it. Why? Because every one of Jesus’ apostles ran away when he was arrested. Peter denied him 3 times when he promised to die with him just a few hours before. Maybe not as directly as Judas, but they all betrayed Jesus in some way.

74 Then he began to curse and swear, “I do not know the man!” And immediately a rooster crowed. 75 And Peter remembered the statement that Jesus had made: “Before a rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. (Matthew 26:74)

The difference is, Peter and the other disciples came back to be reconciled. Peter found his reconciliation after he lost hope and returned to fishing. Along the shore, Jesus directed them to a huge catch of fish and then 3 times asked Peter if he loved him. For the 3 denials, Peter made 3 confessions of love. For this, he was reconciled to Jesus – and became the foundation of the Church.

Judas, on the other hand, did not return to Jesus. Maybe Judas tried to turn Jesus over to the authorities in order to force Him to start the uprising he hoped for against the Romans. Maybe he didn’t believe in Jesus as messiah, but as the political revolutionary Judas wanted. Maybe he thought he was next to be rounded up and crucified by the Jewish leaders so he decided to kill himself instead of bearing crucifixion. The other disciples were also hiding for the same reasons.

The wild thing is that whether we seek Jesus’ mercy or not – we will become a sign. Scripture tells us EVERYONE will bear witness to the truth of what Jesus taught – even those that deny it. At the last judgement all nations will be brought before the Lord and every secret of our lives will be laid bare to everyone. The ones that believed and lived in truth and light will bear witness to the beauty of God – the ones that denied Jesus will be a witness to living in the darkness they preferred:

11 Then I saw a great white throne and the One seated on it. Earth and heaven fled from His presence, and no place was found for them. 12 And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne.

And there were open books, and one of them was the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their deeds, as recorded in the books. 13 The sea gave up its dead, and Death and Hades gave up their dead, and each one was judged according to his deeds. (Revelation 20:11)

If we betray, ignore, or abandon Jesus – what happens is up to us. Do we choose to be Peter or Judas? Even if we have made a life of mistakes, if we turn ourselves over to Jesus, our lives can be an eternal testament to Jesus’ mercy to the most hardened sinner. If we turn away from Jesus out of fear or believing ourselves unworthy – then I believe the pains of hell will be knowing all we needed to do was turn to Jesus during our life and ask for his forgiveness and to turn our hearts over to Him.

Be not afraid. Read about Jesus’ mercy in the bible, or in St Faustina’s writings about Jesus Divine Mercy. In the apparitions to Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque, Jesus made several promises, one of which is: “Sinners shall find in My Heart the source of an infinite ocean of mercy“.

You are so close to ending a life tied to the mistakes of your past, your fears or regrets, pains or emptiness – to a life of freedom and forgiveness and grace to start anew.

“No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back.”—Turkish proverb

You simply must do as Peter did. Tell Jesus you love him and ask for the forgiveness Jesus waits to offer you. Sit with me and do as Jesus tell us:

Lord Jesus, you are the infinite ocean of mercy. No matter the mistakes I have made, the pain I have caused, or the unworthiness I feel, I trust in your promise to come to the lost sheep. Your grace has overcome all sin and wrong in the world. I come to you now, a simple person who has made mistakes and give you my heart. I trust in the promise – bathe me in the infinite ocean of your mercy and make me a sign of your love and forgiveness in the world. Lord Jesus, I trust in you.