Matt's Homepage

I love the movie A Christmas Story. It was one man’s reflection on the traditions and experiences of being a kid at Christmas time in the 50’s. They say that nostalgia runs in waves every 20 years. I think another round comes when you hit 40 years.

I ran across this video of actual 1970’s Christmas music that was played in K-mart stores (I wrote about Mark Davis and his collection of retail store music before).

This music hit me like a truck. I remember being a sub-10 year old kid and being taken to a K-mart just like this around Christmas in the Midwest. I remember buying my first Stomper there, getting clothes, shoes, and school supplies before each school year.

But one of the biggest feelings I had was sadness as to something lost – and a warning. The founder, S.S. Kresge was an incredibly hard worker and a penny-pincher that wore cheap suits until they fell apart and put paper in his shoes when the soles wore thin. At the age of 34 in 1899, he opened a chain of 5 and 10 cent stores. He soon became the second largest retailer in the country. By1924 he was worth equivalent of $3.8 billion. By the 1950’s he had 694 stores. In 1962, he saw retail changing and innovated tons of new ideas with K-mart – like making big stores that carried just about everything one needed in one stop. They also innovated a food court, shopping carts that encouraged browsing and shopping, and being located in suburbs with plenty of free parking that wasn’t available in downtown stores.

And that’s what is fascinating and sad. By the late 80’s, the store started to fall to Walmart that focused on even bigger selection at even lower prices, and Target that focused on higher quality goods. K-mart was left in a strange middle ground and floundered as poor leadership couldn’t figure out their brand message.

It’s the story of a man that worked incredibly hard, pinched every penny, and put in untold hours. Yet, the company he founded in 1962 and drove to the 2nd biggest retailer barely lasted 43 years.

It’s a reminder that everything is passing. No matter what you built, how successful you are, how much power and money you accumulate, it all goes to someone else. And based on how many people under 20 I asked if they even heard of K-mart, how quickly a billionaire (equivalent) and his company is forgotten.

It also reminded me of how important I thought having the new lunch box, new school clothes, new shoes, and the toys was to me, but how unimportant those things are now. Instead, what I really remember and valued are the memories of my family and time we spent shopping together.

It made me think of this section from Introduction to the Devout Life – Fifth Meditation – On Death – Part I, Chapter 13 by St Francis De Sales:

Consider that then the world is at end as far as you are concerned, there will be no more of it for you, it will be altogether overthrown for you, since all pleasures, vanities, worldly joys, empty delights will be as a mere fantastic vision to you. Woe is me, for what mere trifles and unrealities I have ventured to offend my God? Then you will see that what we preferred to Him was nought. But, on the other hand, all devotion and good works will then seem so precious and so sweet –Why did I not tread that pleasant path? Then what you thought to be little sins will look like huge mountains, and your devotion will seem but a very little thing.

Consider how the survivors will hasten to put that body away, and hide it beneath the earth–and then the world will scarce give you another thought, or remember you, any more than you have done to those already gone. “God rest his soul!” men will say, and that is all. O death, how pitiless, how hard thou art!

So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark—that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back

Hunter S Thompson 1971

Hunter S Thompson became a figure of a generation with gonzo journalism and cemented himself as an early icon of drug fueled antics. He wrote about the world of the late 60’s through 90’s with his unique lens that saw past the veneer and comedically revealed the absurdity of modern culture by his wild antics and fantastic writing.

He is famous for his mantra, “Buy the ticket, take the ride” which meant to fully commit to an experience or path once you’ve started, even if it gets intense or goes off the rails. The inherent risks and unpredictable outcomes are part of the journey for growth and having intense experiences.

Many, including Johnny Knoxville, got a lot their own motivation from him and here reflects his impressions of Hunter before took his own life. I think he nails it when he says, ““The persona he backed himself up into […] it cost him.”

I found some of the viewer comments to be powerful and true. Here’s a particularly great one:

I was obsessed with Hunter S. Thompson when I was in my late teens, early 20s. Eventually, I reached an age where I continued to appreciate his contributions to literature, but started to realize that it was a mistake to revere him as some sort of hero. When he took his own life, that only cemented the position. I think it was his sheer talent that papered over the fact that his ‘buy the ticket, take the ride’ philosophy is an utterly selfish and broken way to go about life.

But this is what we do… we mistake eloquence for truth and wrongly convince ourselves that there’s a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow. And for the author himself, what kind of mindfuck must it be when, seemingly, the whole world celebrates and mythologizes your most destructive instincts? You’ve got guys like Johnny Depp, John Cusack, and Sean Penn worshipping you like a guru… I mean, how are you supposed to get off that treadmill?

You wonder if their romanticized view of him, as well as his philosophy, stood in the way of actually getting him help.

@tommy2159

I think this user, and Knoxville, see the truth. Living just for wild experiences is something many of us do in our 20’s. But it runs out. I have done and seen a crazy amount of interesting things in my time. I used to seek out lots of unique experiences and activities. But eloquence and excitement are not necessarily truth. Instead, as I have learned over the years, real truth shows itself in the outcomes and results: and the result most associated with truth? Peace. Especially a deep, abiding peace within yourself.

All of this made me think about a pattern I see happening in the software industry in 2024-2025. Amazon, Microsoft, Google, and countless game/web companies have all had big layoffs and I’ve witnessed many professional friends get hit. After an amazing 20 year career, Intel has laid off a great number of people that absolutely defined computing in the 90’s and 2000’s.

Many people that are laid off often experience shock, then anger or sadness, and then fear about the future. What’s interesting is that both laid off people, and people who retire, also report feeling another thing: the loss of identity or sense of purpose. It paralyzes some to the point they are left in confusion, stuck in the past, stuck with anger, or unable to move on.

Johnny Knoxville thinks Hunter S Thompson made himself a persona. Many rock stars and movie stars make themselves a persona. But they’re not the only ones. Many professionals make themselves a persona – often referred to as your ‘personal branding’. Some people define themselves by being a mom/dad, or their traits like ‘the happy one of the group’. I think many people at Intel made themselves a persona as world-class leaders or engineers. The problem with personas are that people cling to them even when it becomes clear it’s killing them or destroying their happiness or relationships. Or even worse, these personas are all based on things that are temporary and very easily lost. Job titles and possessions can be stripped with the simple words, “You’re fired”.

I give Knoxville credit, he seems to have realized he created a persona that was destructive. It appears he, and others from Jackass, have worked hard for years now to get away from those personas.

The question is – can we see and walk away from our personas? Ask yourself: how do I define myself? Is it my job or company I work for? Is it being a spouse/mother/father? Is it the things we own? The skills we have (driver, climber, pilot, etc)? Could I lose those things and still know who I am?

I would challenge us all to really look at that. I did as it was becoming clear my time at Intel likely wasn’t going to last long. It gave me time to see exactly what parts of me were still clinging to that persona. What if I left my job or got fired? What happens when my children move away and have their own lives? What happens when my spouse passes away? Do I still know who I am?

For me, it was a fantastic invitation to go deeper into prayer and my connection with God. As things got rougher and rougher, I leaned more of my identity into who *He* told me I was, and I found myself less trapped by who *I* thought I was.

If you are struggling, I cannot urge you enough to turn to prayer in this time before Christmas. Not just haphazard prayer while driving or formulaic prayer; but pour out your heart and sit in prolonged silence with God. Go to a half hour of adoration. Spend some time this Advent listening. Let God tell you who you are. Troubles will always come – they did for Jesus. But when you know you’re following and living with God who intensely loves you, you do not get trapped by your personas. You instead get enveloped by the one that sees you as a intensely loved child by the creator of the universe.